Expectations

I have ALWAYS been one to expect a lot out of people. I like to give a lot to people I care about and to the people I consider close friends. It has taken quite some time to realize you cannot expect anything from anyone. It may seem a little cynical but it's not meant to be, it's honesty. After time and time of giving you become exhausted. Nothing has happened recently to make me want to write about this it just happened to cross my mind and I decided to see if others feel the same way. As humans we have expectations, some higher than others. Sometimes I feel mine are way too high. But then again, going out of your way for a friend or loved one doesn't seem so hard to me. Maybe for other people it takes too much time and energy out of their schedules. We can become so consumed with ourselves we forget about appreciating the ones closest to us. It doesn't have to be about material things; even just a simple phone call, note, e-mail or How are you doing? Just to let the other person know you are thinking about them and they are of importance to you. It's all about being aware of who treats you right and wanting to show the appreciation back to them. If anything do things unconditionally because if you do something with the expectation you might just be let down. In life you must learn that the best surprises are when you don't know and when you don't expect. Ciao!

Blank

Well since my last post, physically I am feeling 100% back to normal, thankfully. I am all better health wise but I am not feeling too hot otherwise. To be honest I am feeling down, and lost. I have been feeling a sense of hopelessness come over me and I am realizing I want to be somewhere else. I don't know how else to put it, I am sad. I want to be living somewhere else geographically speaking and I no longer want to be in school. I don't even think it's because it's my last semester here, I think it's just me. I simply am wanting deep down inside to be doing something else with my life right now. I don't feel much passion and I think life should be passionate. In whatever that may be. If you are a secretary and you are passionate about it then damn it, that's great. If you are in college and that's where you want to be then so be it. I guess I want to find that fire that I once had, I want that passion and I am scared it's slipping out of my hands. Life is a roller coaster full of ups and downs and at the moment I am going to need faith more than ever to get me to May 16th. It's going to take everything in me to not be down and somehow pick myself up, dust myself of and shake things up. I need to wake up! Hello Jessica!! what the hell are you doing? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over it!!!!!!!!!

feeling like S***

I guess the title of this blog really sums up the way I am feeling at this current moment in time. I'm beyond miserable. I have never felt this way before. I am so weak, my body is so achy. I'm miserable. I am definitely negative nancy right now. I feel so lost and confused. I pray i heal quickly. They are not exactly sure what's wrong. I need to get better soon, this is horrible timing. I have so much to do, so many tasks to finish. Why? I need somwhere to let it out, so here I write. I wish I could crawl in a hole and stay there. I need positive vibes my way, so i suppose the first person to start that positivity should be me. I know what won't kill me will make me stronger but damn I feel so horrible. It's depressing sleeping, can't eat because you're not hungry, and watching t.v. It's one of the most depressing feelings, not feelng in control & active. I'm useless right now and that is the last thing I want to be. I am so use to running around everywhere, driving, having LOTS of energy and this just really needs to go away...i want to go away...into a far away dream. one of the dreams that you never want to wake up from...so here i go....goodnight.

Lately...

Lately I want to scream. I want to go onto a mountain top high above where no one can hear me and scream. Scream so loudly that i become exhausted and fall upon the grassy hill below me and go into a deep dream. I want to dream of waterfalls and a private island. I guess lately I don't want any chaos, I want peace. I want inner peace and no distractions. Life is so full of them, we never have a time where everything stops and things are silent. PEACE. Sure we have those little places we connect to or can escape to but it would be nice to be somewhere far away for a day or night...somewhere exotic or ordinary as long as it was peaceful and wonderful. Stress can bring upon weird things, it's very uncomfortable. I just want to unwind, my mind, my body and relax. You don't have to think about anything because there is nothing to do for one day. Your tasks will be put on hold and everything will be put on pause. What would you do for that one day? I would run, and dance and jump into the waterfalls and waterholes. Be playful and not have cares in the world, just for one day. For one day, a day of make believe and mermaids. Hey it could happen! :)

For the love of it all

Right now my thoughts are jumping all around. I wonder if my tummy will feel better soon, it's not feeling too hot at the moment. How will tomorrow be? Sunny? I can only hope. To bigger, broader ideas. Such as, is God hearing all my prayers. I know he can hear them but will he answer them. I can only hope for that too. I sometimes want an answer so quickly and I don't like waiting. I know I need to be patient and that he will provide. I have faith. It's just that these times are worrying me right now and I get stressed out. Will everyone have their jobs and we all need to think positively. I think I may be rambling right now but I suppose that is the very essence of a blog...to ramble. So here I am rambling a little bit more. I just don't want everyone to panic so badly that no one spends money and thus creating more people to lose their jobs and so on and so forth. It makes me feel sad and worried possibly creating my tummy to turn and hurt because of this weight on my mind. Anyways, I am going to take the positive route right now and hope that everyone keeps their chins up and know that everything will be ok. I want everything to be ok. Everything will be ok.